tonk tonk tonk

Wednesday, November 30, 2005

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i am expriencing a worst period of my likfe. haix.. wat do i reallie wat to do in the future. ok i want to get a degree from a well know university but then. looking at my result now. i am feeling so shit now and then . ya. i did pass all my result but then, is just not good enough for me to get to anywhere and al but then . i just wish that time will maje my result to be much better and all. i need all full 7 and 6 but now i am not even getting one. oh shit meh. ok

i was happy with my phy result , but then is was just a pass. cux ya. i got really shit result for the pretest, i have got this frenx who is like getting 7 and perfect for all her sub. oh man. ok. i am going to study consistaning.i will not do lst min revusuin anymore . i got back spanish. econ.and phy. Econ was an dissapointment. and spanish was ok. but i expected 6 too. but ya i am ok. ok. tml i will get my business and i reallie exoect quite alot from it so ya. i am so afraid that it will be a disspaoint ment . hee.

oh. i have a small even. dispute. will u say that but then ya. who cares actually is just one preson. i still have many other frenx around who care. hee. ok. the election for student coucil is in a week and . i just lost one vote. hahahahhahahahah lol. but then i seiously do not think tht i will actually get it . i miss sg. i dun feel home here at al. although i have got my own room and all but then i fell that it is just like i am there for and as a visitor. i miss the pine xmas tree. sittig arounf in the living room and playing with dorigen and all. but i know that moment is never going to come again cux dori is no longer with us. i nv know how to express how much i want to see him again. she was my best fren , someone who was with my all my way of o level coming into my room and all. she was just so so adorable. ok i better end here. cux .. i am susposed to be listening to the carreer talk that the person in front or me is talking. :p

-cann't stop dreaminx of u-

[[It Will Never Be Back]]__|10:38 PM|

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[[It Will Never Be Back]]__|10:38 PM|

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[[It Will Never Be Back]]__|10:38 PM|

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Tuesday, November 29, 2005

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i had my 3 worst paper today.
1. english poetry
2.spanish
3.economics

okie. spanish was kind of easy so i hope i will get quite a good mark for it. and economics was alright but then the second question i had no time to finish i just manage to draw the graph and write the equation hopefully i get some marks . and as for english. i think i seriously screwed it up can. cux. i do not have a conclusion of it and . .. ah. i just hope i get a 4. then i realised that no matter how i count my point i cannot get over 32. how.. haix. nvm susposed to be doing my maths now hehe. but then, i am doing it while updating the blog. i realised that this blog is kind of a way for me to vent my anger on. heee. i dunno y when i was in singapore i never seems to be bothered or have the time to do so. and when i come here i just have so much of free time . :)

-cann't stop dreaminx of u-

[[It Will Never Be Back]]__|12:22 AM|

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Sunday, November 27, 2005

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ah!! exams tmr. now in the library studying. hee but i just cannot set my mind on the book to study. i dunno why that is just so hard. less than 2 weeks. i get to be back in sg and enjoy the sun and the summer. hee. :) better study hee ..
damm shit can. i realised that the econ is so shit can cux is like.. is like for business is like i am revising and for econ is like u are learning everything it seems that i have not even come across these questions before and all. damm dead can. i feel damm stress the competition here is liek so .. although is like noone care but. i dun wan tot when i realised my result then everyone start to ask how much i get and i get reallie low. ah... i can imagine the scenerio. oh shit. y is it so impt. in singapore i just stop caring so much. i dun care but pple say or wat pple do. wat pple thing of me. i just damm cae even if i fail i am not scared. but then here although there are some pple who do not study but then i want to get good result i am receiving so much stress from everyone is like. from my mum cux she is spending so much money on me and. from. pple in the sch. cux they think tt i am smart and when i dun do well they will be like. oh she is just not so ... u know and i dun want that to happen. ah. ok.. find i have already like given up on my ohy if i know i will know and if i dunnno there is nuthing i cna do abt it. seriously.!!!! f*ck it ....... f*ckkking hellll

-cann't stop dreaminx of u-

[[It Will Never Be Back]]__|11:40 PM|

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the final weekend before my exams. i dun think i will reallie do weel btu all that i wish for is that i will pass every single paper. i miss sg so so much. i was toking to wang chen today and realised a lot of things that i haf done worng like reallie reallie alot. smile. i did helping int he commmunity day today is like doing free of charge service to the community so ya. we got posted to somerfield to bag the shopping it was kind of ok. not a tiring day at least i got my cas hour with i needed so desperately hee. love u all everyone. a big muack from me. :) gtg to continue my study
-cann't stop dreaminx of u-

[[It Will Never Be Back]]__|12:19 AM|

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Thursday, November 24, 2005

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4 more days to my exams. i am kind of scared but i am not trying hard enough, ok i get quite alot of physics today int he library and my econ is almost there. yup and my business is ok. now all that i am left with is maths, spanish, english and of cux phy. lol but still i am kind of. scared cux this grade is impt for me to get to a good US univerties. ok first of all i had reallie a good day. i sign up to run the council as treasurer and ya. although i know that the chances of me getting it is kind of hard becux, there is a better candidate out there who is like going for this post and . but then as u know if i do not try, i will just regret for life for not doing it. so i might as well have some thick skin and try it, no one will say anything ok! i just got to overcome my side. heee. who cares stef!!! i will be more confident i dun mind like not getting. and scretary role , no one is taking it. heehe but then i am not really interested in it. so ya i just hope that someone from the tresurer will move to the scretary role then i will have one less opponent. but :) smile time to mug for my maths. :) sigh ok..!

-cann't stop dreaminx of u-

[[It Will Never Be Back]]__|8:49 AM|

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Tuesday, November 22, 2005

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25 more days to singapore. my roommate told me yst that she want to spend 2 night in hilton in london and ask me to join her . smile. i love to but i kind of feel bad cux like she is paying for it. i feel like paying some but i dun have that much money with me now and all. and is her bdae. i got a present thou. cux more than S$100 . my first ex present to friend. hee. i dunno i feel that anything below that is like dunno how to give her. the pound is just too strong. i know if i were to be in sg i could have gotten so many stuff with that amt of money. but i am in uk so i cann't i probably start working part time after this term like in some shops that not many people will go or see me. hee. cux as u know my school pple will like think oh. y is she working does she need money or wat. those rich pple are just lidat.

exams on monday:
phy/math/eng/spanish/business/econ arg!! i am going to die so badly. haix.
i have been going to the library regularly but i dun think is working too much cux. i still have so much things to revise and all. smile:)

last night i talked to anna again. i love talking to her. is like i can tell her stuff that i would never tell anyone in my life. cux she also tell me her stuff. is got to do more with my personality and all and how i view things. i feel that when i tok to her. it just come out naturally and we made a pact! to --- hehe we will know. and we shall see. is nice to have her around in the hse at least i have someone to tok to . as in i tok diff things to diff pple .

and lastly. i have not give up losing weight. but. i realised that is not working reallie well as how i plan to do it, firstly i have got no time to go to the gym and the weather her is just so cold that i dun feel like going anywhere except to the library and around the sch. not even summer town which is like 5 mins walk from my hse. ohhh. i got reallie excited seeing frost on the floor. it was so slippery hee. and apparently there is going to be snow storm on thur so ya. is going to be a frezzing day.. and i have not yet receive my mum's parcel. hopefully i get them reallie soon. cux i have kind of short of winter clothing. i am feeling so so sleepy now. but susposed to do a poetry so that i cna let my teacher mark it but i probably do in like tonight. i shall go to the library at 5 today so that i have a longer time to study. :)

-cann't stop dreaminx of u-

[[It Will Never Be Back]]__|9:07 PM|

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Monday, November 21, 2005

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i am back from northern ireland. it was just so so good to see jenn and everything although i did not reallie got close to any1 this time but of cux i know maya. and julie. got to know julie more thou. the clubbing there was so fun. i nv reallie enjoy clubbing so much before it was reallie fun. but the pple there were kind of old. kind 20+ 30 there hee. we were like the youngest grp of pple. the brazilian were on the 3rd floor. so ya we went to the 2nd florr where by we will not see any other pple. there were like 10 of us and the kazah, us < jap, russian, swiss, british, korea?>ya a mix of nationality hee.
ok jenn. i tok to her so so alot. is like we tok for like 3 hrs non stop. there were just so so many things to tok abt hee. and ya we will tok again in sg. hee. i went to see her sch , is reallie big. alot of spaces and all. and she told me is illegal to abort baby in northern ireland. which was kind of shocking. so ya. uk ! u tell me cannot have abortion so ya. pple just go to england to do it ::) 26 m0re days to the day i will be coming back from england yeah! muackx

-cann't stop dreaminx of u-

[[It Will Never Be Back]]__|10:03 PM|

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Friday, November 18, 2005

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Sometimes i feel that i am not with anyone!!! seriously. i have a boyfriend who does not call me and all. and ya when i ask him to make an effort to talk to me. he is like.- ok i will call u and tok reallie sweetly... SAMUEL LEE ZHI MING yesh!!! shit u lah. ok. u know i never openly vent my anger but i reallie cannot take it anymore. ahhhh.. forget it.
okie. today i had scotland dinner. so was great! with wonderful dinner. and the dvd was so so great. all the scotland stuff. the capsize hee. the cannoeing. i want to cannoe i find it reallie reallie interesting and all. maybe i will find some time about cannoe like cannoe lesson or something lidat in oxford hehe. 4 am tmr to northern ireland and i will be meeting jenn jenn !

-cann't stop dreaminx of u-

[[It Will Never Be Back]]__|5:49 AM|

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Wednesday, November 16, 2005

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i spend the whole night int he library erm from 7-9 pm studying phy. and i realised that is not that hard after all heee. so ya. i am still loving phy like i used to before. i am not skipping my dinner anymore- cux i feel that crash diet is not going to help on me. i am going to do it slowly. not oo slow maybe a mth. i have exactly a mth to do wat i reallie wat to do yeah! i know my exams are near but i still have to do that for the sake for - my life in any way. i shall still go to the library everyday so that i can get into oxford uni. i know is a dream but i need to make it to reality. my english is not going to help me pull my my marks so ya i need the other subjects to push my marks all up . like business- math and phy are my main one thou. no matter wat i need a 7 for these.
I am missing sg again. i wish i can see everyone and all. the xmas party and my room although i may not be able to enter my room cux of some prob. and all. yup hopefully everything is just going to solve and everything just go well with it. :) i miss dorigen. i wonder how she is in elsewhere- i reallie miss her accompany and all. i miss her. :) got phy test in lik 30 mins hee. not reallie worried abt it. i will do well if i know and not if i dunno . so ya dun have to worry abt it.:)

-cann't stop dreaminx of u-

[[It Will Never Be Back]]__|7:37 PM|

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Tuesday, November 15, 2005

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yeah! i finally got my answer. for the question that i longggggg to know! yippe. although it was not actually the ans i wld like but. i was glad that it was lidat. tuesday- i have to buy bus ticket- go to next- and gym- and ya i got to lose some weight before that wassial. thing . and i just realized that i cannot get a ticket back from sg. haix.heee- nvm i will find a way to settle it maybe tmr. heee. a brand new day for me yeah!:)

-cann't stop dreaminx of u-

[[It Will Never Be Back]]__|5:22 PM|

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RRRRRRAAAAAHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
i am so so irritated!!!!!! Northern IRELAND!!!! i dunno how to express but i feel so stupid and cheated. maybe it was just my fault that i did not listen carefully. and assume that everything was the way it was going to be !! RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH.... i feel so so shitified!!!

-cann't stop dreaminx of u-

[[It Will Never Be Back]]__|3:18 AM|

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Monday, November 14, 2005

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the weather today is frezzing, it was so contrasting cux, yesterday morning i did not even need a coat. and the heater went off like in the morning i was feeling so so cold. :) i am a denier- i think i am :) but what can i do. just wait and see what the result will be. ok! finally this week is an interesting week. i have got so many things that i am looking forward to it like. today- northern ireland meeting- thurs is the scotland closing dinner- fri-sun is the northern ireland trip. yeah! but then again - i spent my weekend doing my phy . and i am so happy that i finally know how to do them- i was so so happy. at last. :)

-cann't stop dreaminx of u-

[[It Will Never Be Back]]__|10:58 PM|

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Sunday, November 13, 2005

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is sat night and i am not out. yup. i just didn't feel like going anywhere cux the exams are just like 2 weeks+ and ya. furthermore nx week i will be going to northern ireland and all. hee. i am so shit lah can i have got no idea how to do poem. haix. i seriously need to tok to my teacher but haix. i just keep on dragging and dragging. i probably will ask my PT . hee. i dunno my feeling well. how??? i need an answer!i think is has been long enough to think abt it. it has been 3 weeks. time just past so so fast. haix. it is almost reaching a mths. haix. and i still have not decided on anything or change anything. life. ! i hope anna is back to herself soon. reallie reallie. soon. i want to see her happy and all. yup.

-cann't stop dreaminx of u-

[[It Will Never Be Back]]__|7:10 AM|

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is cold is cold and is cold. :) haven been doingmuch of the revision, i know that the exam is just around the corner but then. i seriously have got no mood . heee. who care lah. the first term test . 33 more days to term break.
went to city centre today with anna and julia. and ya. i found a place that they do screen printing. i am so going to take up the course. hee. mummy will be so so happy. cux at last i am doing something that is realted to batik. hee. blah blah blah . cann't think of anything to write !:)

-cann't stop dreaminx of u-

[[It Will Never Be Back]]__|2:21 AM|

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Friday, November 11, 2005

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the weather is getting so so cold . and ya. our hse had this sponsored silence thing. hee. i was like so quiet for the whole day and all . yup. tt was so horrible. i want to tok one more hr to go. yeah! Business class was a torture. i want to say so many things and i cannot. same as phy. i was glad that eng and maths i dun have to say anything. lose weight. but i reallie have no time to go to the gym. haix.
the scotland presentation is on thur and ya. i dunno i seriously feel that i kind of lack of confidence . maybe if i slim down . i dun need need to be so so thin. maybe a little and i will feel that i am more con fident. in ij. i dun haf to care abt anything. here i got to care abt everything. is like every1 is like fashion showing around the school. haaa. so ya. and in sg. i had sam to tell me i am alright and all. but here ya. i nv step out of my hse without makeup. i know . i am just going to school but still. ya. haix. i used to tell linn that. it does not matter at all. but now i am having the same prob as her.
Scotland presentation- i jux cannot wait i know most pple cann't wait like, maya. tara... and whoever find the trip fun. hee and ya we will meet at dinner on thur and friday morning - 6 of us will be off to northern ireland. yeah! is just going to be another trip- properbly wun be as close as scotland. cux is only 3 days. and wat can u do in 3 days right! yup . my goal is to save the rest of money for singapore. i am going to stinch this mth untill my mum send me money if. she did than i will be alright yeah! and my aunt say she is going to buy me one bag of my choice for xmas. yeah! i love her to bits. and my mum is ... i dunno she said she bought me alot of clothing again but i dunno wat she bought. heee love u all muackx

-cann't stop dreaminx of u-

[[It Will Never Be Back]]__|1:03 AM|

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Wednesday, November 09, 2005

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my daily routine.

School- 9 - 4 ( breaks in btw)
Gym- 5-7
Library 7-9:30

see and ya. life will go on lidat for at least a mth. i just haf no time to waste for my term test. i do want to like go out an all. maybe week end. cann't wait for the summer to come. yeah! i know winter jus started for 3 weeks. hee. i miss singapore so so much. glad that i will be back soon. yeah.! i miss every1 and all. and i need to lose weight seriously. like 10 kg. i know it sound a bit unrealistic. but ya. i dun wan to go on like this anymore.maybe finally. my mum wun be glad. but achieving is another thing. haix. Oxford. i am starting to feel reallie scared that i wun be able to get in there. i was kind of high hope b4 i entered the IB now looking at it. make me think twice. i have already wasted my o level . i know i cannot afford to screw up another major exam hee.

-cann't stop dreaminx of u-

[[It Will Never Be Back]]__|5:40 AM|

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Monday, November 07, 2005

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i think i made a mistake by calling. haix. things still remain the same. maybe is just the distance prob.nuthing can actually change now. but ya i just got to accept the reality. heee. 6 yrs and ya. i kind of long and all. but ya, tt is life.

i am having major homesick these few days. maybe becux of the darkness and everything . i dunno haix. i miss scotland so so much. it was so fun and all haix.everyone was like a big family. and now when we see each other in sch we say hi and all. but the prob with this sch is tt every1 speak diff lang so is kind of hard and all to communicate but is alright hee. and lastly there is like no singaporean in the sch can. i know i will be going to northern ireland again but it will be just 3 days. and ya. is kind of sad cux. mr tan left ij. haix. he was there for my whole ij years and guide us through the robotics. and everything he was more than a teachers to all robotics girls. friend.

b4 we left ij, we were like every yr we will meet in the arc room to see mr tan and all and how arc is progressing and all. but i think our dreams are vanished. but is alright we still have our xmas dinner. and all hee. i know.
-cann't stop dreaminx of u-

[[It Will Never Be Back]]__|3:01 AM|

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Friday, November 04, 2005

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it is getting dark so so early and ya. haix. i am kind of getting sick of living alone here. without my family and friends. frenx here are nice i mix with them during sch hr and weekends. but u know me. i wun be with the smokers or whoever .hee so ya. so ya. i decided to go back to my aunty's place this week to actually haf proper meal and gif her all the stuff and all. hee. exams are coming in 3 weeks and i haf not started on my revisions. i am so so dead, shit how can i get into oxford with this kind of shit result. haix

-cann't stop dreaminx of u-

[[It Will Never Be Back]]__|12:45 AM|

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Tuesday, November 01, 2005

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my life is having a total change, have been trying reallie hard to adapt to the change. yup.firstly scotland trip was amazing and all, i reallie reallie enjoy all the canoeing and all , yup i wish we cld be longer there. netty hse. a place filled with memories and all.we were like a family but. things will start to change soon. like wat abraham said. hee. all the washing up after meal time and all. the longue .pool.dart. the bar. hee is just so fun. is just a short 9 days trip but i just feel like i know them for a long period. was reallie reallie fun!
but on 27, our anniversary i kind of made up my mind on like we should not go on as things is just not going to work out the way as before-->
if only u cld be like before, nuthing wld haf happen. seriously. if u cld just call me like 4 times a week, the love will definately be still there. haix. but u did not. so ya. i guess is kind of the end for both for us. there is no use that we hang on to this. just becux we are so long together,-> let's move on! sorry
Tests and exams are constantly appearing in front of me. and ya. i reallie get sick and tired of these things. i am deprived of sleep n all. i need sleep. it get dark so early now. 5pm and the sun is setting. maybe becux of the one hour tuning back thing haix. Business test tml.

[[It Will Never Be Back]]__|7:50 AM|

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